Ode to Robots

Domo origato, Mister Roboto! Don't know what I just said? Here's a tip: ASK A ROBOT!

Robots are everywhere, in fact, you're on one right now! I'm pretty darn sure a computer is a robot, but if it's not, I guess I'll have to eat my hat! I love robots, from the wonderful world of WALL-E to the lil' alien robots from Batteries Not Included (Have you seen this movie? You should really rent it) to even the robot dog from Jimmy Neutron! Robots are the greatest!

But robots have one fatal flaw: They cannot love! It always seems to bother them. Except the robot from AI, he was created to love, but his mommy didn't love him after all! Poor poor robots, nobody wants to love them. Oh, except the ladies who were wooed by the prostitute robot... And I think WALL-E and Eve were in love! But I don't think that would ever really happen, because WALL-E's technically a robot trash compactor, and Eve is like... a gardener.

There's also the tin man! He's a robot right?

The movie Robots is surprisingly probably the worst robot movie ever. You wouldn't think so, considering the only characters are robots and robots are great, but SURPRISE! It sucks! But a great robot movie is definitely Terminator! I wouldn't mind a movie where the Terminator blows up those stupid robots from Robots. He'd have to use a pretty BIG GUN to get rid of all of them, but I can't imagine Arnold shying away from a bigass weapon of some sort. Especially to get rid of annoying little bitch robots.

But I think the KING of the robots is our old pal Optimus Prime. He's SO COOL. He's the reason I hated the last transformers movie, because SPOILER ALERT: he died in it. AND THAT WAS JUST AWFUL. He was barely in the movie! Who wants to watch two and a half hours of Shia LeBoeuf? Not me! That's for sure. But he's the reason I hate to be in the blind spot of big blue and red trucks with flames on them. They might try and merge into my lane, and if I don't let them in, they turn into bigass robots and punch my car. And I don't think my insurance will cover that.