So have you ever been driving along with the hopes of turning left? Most people have wanted to turn left at some time in their life. Well, you'd think it's not too complicated, but there's almost always one thing in the way. When you arrive at a stoplight, get in the left turning lane and see...
The Red Arrow.
There's something menacing about the red arrow. Everyone else has the green light, but you're stuck there waiting for the damn red arrow to turn green. Just waiting. Waiting.
When it finally does turn green, you have maybe thirty seconds to FLY through your left turn and if you're more than four cars back, you can forget turning left on this particular green arrow. It's just not going to happen, buster!
That's why today's ode is to "not having to wait at a stoplight for a green arrow." Because driving along at 50 mph and seeing that green arrow is already green so that you can just turn and not wait for no reason, I think, may be the most fulfilling driving experience in the world!
Actually, just not having to wait at all is a fantastic experience. We're living in impatient times! I want my food NOW. That's why we have microwaves. I want my mail INSTANTLY. Email! I want my waste disposed as soon as it RETREATS FROM MY BOWELS! Indoor plumbing.
Now all of these things are great, but we're talking about green arrows here! The green arrow is almost a passport, a window to the left turn. That's really all you can say about them. I just wanted to bring attention to how much fun it is to turn left without waiting. What a rush.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Friday, November 6, 2009
Ode to Puppies
You know what I love? A nice warm puppy. I don't think there's anything better in the whole wide world.
Puppies are like babies. Except they're less needy. You have to teach babies to walk. Puppies already know how to walk. Less needy.
But do you know what's even better about a puppy? They're wiggly and plump and they run around and snuggle with everyone! I would kill to have that life. Puppies have got it all.
Sure, people are down on puppies sometimes because they cry at night. But so do babies. And puppies pee on things sometimes. But so do alcoholics. And there are days when puppies chew up your shoes. But what raccoon hasn't done the same thing?
My puppy is a giant beast. He loves to lick everyone and his whole body shakes with excitement whenever anyone comes through the door. He's clumsy and often runs into things because his huge body is a little too excited to see you to worry about manuvering around things. He just walks right through them instead.
If you're a cat person, you probably don't appreciate these traits like I do. I adore my puppy. He's the disgusting silly love of my life! But some cat people say they'd rather chill with a cat.
I guess that's okay. But you don't see me writing an ode to kittens do you? As a result, puppies are clearly superior.
How many famous cats are there? Garfield. Snowball II. That's it.
But how many famous dogs are there? Lassie. Rin Tin Tin. Pluto. Goofy (Maybe. He may or may not be a dog.). Santa's Little Helper. That one skateboarding dog. The Taco Bell chihuahua. Air Bud. Baxter from Anchorman. Jim Carrey's jack russell terrier in The Mask. My Dog Skip. Comet from Full House. Wishbone.
Hmm... what pet does AMERICA love more?
That's what I thought. Puppies kick ass.
Cats are okay. There's nothing wrong with them. They're just not puppies!
Hey I also have a new video posted called "The Boyfriend" that I made with my little cousins. Check it out! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=078CGWTCcYE
Thanks everyone :)
Puppies are like babies. Except they're less needy. You have to teach babies to walk. Puppies already know how to walk. Less needy.
But do you know what's even better about a puppy? They're wiggly and plump and they run around and snuggle with everyone! I would kill to have that life. Puppies have got it all.
Sure, people are down on puppies sometimes because they cry at night. But so do babies. And puppies pee on things sometimes. But so do alcoholics. And there are days when puppies chew up your shoes. But what raccoon hasn't done the same thing?
My puppy is a giant beast. He loves to lick everyone and his whole body shakes with excitement whenever anyone comes through the door. He's clumsy and often runs into things because his huge body is a little too excited to see you to worry about manuvering around things. He just walks right through them instead.
If you're a cat person, you probably don't appreciate these traits like I do. I adore my puppy. He's the disgusting silly love of my life! But some cat people say they'd rather chill with a cat.
I guess that's okay. But you don't see me writing an ode to kittens do you? As a result, puppies are clearly superior.
How many famous cats are there? Garfield. Snowball II. That's it.
But how many famous dogs are there? Lassie. Rin Tin Tin. Pluto. Goofy (Maybe. He may or may not be a dog.). Santa's Little Helper. That one skateboarding dog. The Taco Bell chihuahua. Air Bud. Baxter from Anchorman. Jim Carrey's jack russell terrier in The Mask. My Dog Skip. Comet from Full House. Wishbone.
Hmm... what pet does AMERICA love more?
That's what I thought. Puppies kick ass.
Cats are okay. There's nothing wrong with them. They're just not puppies!
Hey I also have a new video posted called "The Boyfriend" that I made with my little cousins. Check it out! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=078CGWTCcYE
Thanks everyone :)
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
The Sam Mello Story
A video I just finished with my new camera :)
Hope you like it! Here's a link to my youtube channel too. It's pt0o (pt"zero"o). http://www.youtube.com/user/pt0o Check it out!
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