Hey all you boys out there who happen to read my blog (I know, I know, the crickets are chirping...), this post is not for you. Well, I guess it could be for you... but if you're as manly as I assume all boys are (my boyfriend watches Project Runway and this post still doesn't apply to him), this post will not affect your life in any way. So for all you manly men out there, I suggest you look away until my next post, "Ode to Machine Guns."
What I'm talking about, of course, is the yoga pant.
Have you heard of these beautiful inventions? Yoga pants are God's gift to bloaty crampy women. I realize how disgusting that sounds, but oh LORD, my yoga pants saved my life today. I felt awful all day, my stomach contorting violently throughout, then I went to the gas station to fill up my tank and THAT definitely didn't make things any better.
First, I went into the little station to pay the guy for gas, and he wasn't there. Turns out, he was sitting right outside the door, smokin' like a damn fool, and the WHOLE station smelled like cigarettes. I felt like puking all over his ugly shoes.
Then I went out to put the gasoline in my car and as SOON as I pulled the nozzle out of the holster, gasoline shot out over everything! It was ridiculous. I didn't even press the stupid trigger and it just leaked EVERYWHERE. I was like "eww." And the fumes just sickened me all the more.
Then to finish off my trinity of terrible smells, I drove by a street being repaved. It was a nightmare. I hope I never smell tar again.
So anyways, by the time I got home, I was feeling as bad as bad can feel. It was awful. I felt sick and was in pain and I was nauseated by the hoardes of terrible odors.
But then, like a light from the darkness, my yoga pants burst from the closet and saved me from the terrible constricting horror of jeans. I drank some tea and did some jumping jacks and chased my dog around the living room and all my terrible pains just floated away.
Thank you, yoga pants. I suggest all you ladies go out and purchase a pair for those awful, awful days. And hey boys, if you read this...
I apologize.
What I'm talking about, of course, is the yoga pant.
Have you heard of these beautiful inventions? Yoga pants are God's gift to bloaty crampy women. I realize how disgusting that sounds, but oh LORD, my yoga pants saved my life today. I felt awful all day, my stomach contorting violently throughout, then I went to the gas station to fill up my tank and THAT definitely didn't make things any better.
First, I went into the little station to pay the guy for gas, and he wasn't there. Turns out, he was sitting right outside the door, smokin' like a damn fool, and the WHOLE station smelled like cigarettes. I felt like puking all over his ugly shoes.
Then I went out to put the gasoline in my car and as SOON as I pulled the nozzle out of the holster, gasoline shot out over everything! It was ridiculous. I didn't even press the stupid trigger and it just leaked EVERYWHERE. I was like "eww." And the fumes just sickened me all the more.
Then to finish off my trinity of terrible smells, I drove by a street being repaved. It was a nightmare. I hope I never smell tar again.
So anyways, by the time I got home, I was feeling as bad as bad can feel. It was awful. I felt sick and was in pain and I was nauseated by the hoardes of terrible odors.
But then, like a light from the darkness, my yoga pants burst from the closet and saved me from the terrible constricting horror of jeans. I drank some tea and did some jumping jacks and chased my dog around the living room and all my terrible pains just floated away.
Thank you, yoga pants. I suggest all you ladies go out and purchase a pair for those awful, awful days. And hey boys, if you read this...
I apologize.
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